Sleep: Starts and Stops

“Insomnia is a kind of torture while the world is fast asleep, you’re up all alone full of random thoughts in the universe and sometimes the thoughts will reach a standstill and your mind will become more aware of the silence and it is at that moment that you realize that you are all alone.” Pinterest

Two more weeks until my sleep testing for sleep apnea, and whatever other symptoms might indicate any additional disorders of the mind and body that have made sleep elusive and something to fight for not enjoy… not fall into like most normal humans. Tonight demonstrates my least favorite pattern. I fell asleep for one blissful hour. Then I woke up with a start, never to darken sleep’s door again.

I feel frazzled. Exhausted with all my nerves on end. My brain is devoid of ideas as I try fervently and futility to calm back down.

I’m practicing the deep breathing exercises my psychologist taught me. It’s working. It’s calming me down. If I can’t sleep, I will rest. Pass the time and control my thoughts. I remember a childlike thought my daughter used, “not the boss of me.” The night is not the boss of me. Fear and panic need not dominate my thoughts. I can have peace with sleeplessness. It’s not going to kill me. Inconvenience me ~ not sicken me. I’m seeking treatment. I will get well. I will be whole again. I will right myself.

Sleep will come again.

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