Stronger Than I Feel

I’m climbing to the top of the mountain of this depression. It’s an arduous climb, characterized by lack of solid, restful sleep and peace. Filled with little spurts of joy and happiness that I do not take lightly,  but rather savor and look forward like a deprived child for their return. I don’t remember depression that well. I haven’t been in one for a number of years. I have an amazing capacity to forget bad things once they have passed. It’s a quality my husband envies. My ability to forget distasteful events… my selective memory fuels optimism. Something, hard to come by when you have bipolar disorder I imagine.

I have it. Depression for the most part,  kills it.  It’s one thing I hate about it!.

So, I fight back. By getting out on the weekends with my husband. Running out errands, getting my haircut, any number of things,  so I am not a prisoner of my apartment and my mind.

Helping others. Doing my daily newspaper online on mental health.  Being an encouragement to fellow friends with disabilities in MDMClub online (My Disability Matters Club).  And longtime friends on Facebook and Twitter as well as friends and family offline, of course.  Reaching beyond yourself… reaches past the depression to wellness. If the depression won’t lift,  then I must climb above it. It’s the only way of escape I can think of.

Thankfully, so many people are praying for me! This can’t be the easy way out.


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